Death in Everyday Life

We experience death all of the time. 

We experience it in the form of things not working out.

We experience it in the form of things always being in a process of change. 

When the day ends, when the second ends, when we breathe out, 

that's death in everyday life.

Slow Down

Notes to the Hurrying Man

-Brian Pattenson

"Work at life!" you scream,
and working I see you rushing everywhere,
so fast most times you ignore
two quarters of your half a world.

Addicted to Hope

Theism is an addiction. 

We're all addicted to hope. 

Hope that the doubt and mystery will go away. 

As a result we hold onto hope and miss out on the present.

Let's Be Beautiful

“Let’s Be Beautiful” 

by Melissa Rice

 

Let’s Be Beautiful

Let’s be beautiful
Outrageous and voluptuous and funny
Let’s toss our hair around
With no intention
Except for that it feels good and we’re lost in our thoughts
and in each other

Let’s laugh loudly
Not at the right time but whenever we feel like it
Not at someone or about
But at ourselves
And at life

Let’s be wonderful
Not pretty and poised and proper and pointed
Pink with dots but look up at the stars and embrace the
Rainbow
Overhear children giggling
Savor scents of anything newborn

Let’s forget to shave our legs for a whole week
Because we are so busy thinking about
The entire world’s children
And not just our own
Or not even

Let’s eat right and sleep right and strengthen our core muscles
Not because the Department of Longevity says so
But because we love living
And want to stick around a little bit longer
Than we’d originally planned because we’re not as afraid as we used to be

Let’s triumph
Over concealer and concealing
Injections and architectural French pedis
Over death of children by insults and
No true love

Let’s celebrate
Not what should have been and would have been and could still be
Not removal of Section 8 housing from our neighborhood
But now

Let’s collaborate
Not because we’re supposed to but because it’s more succulent.
Have sex on Tuesday mornings because it’s atypical and not predictable Unpretentious and glorious and very, very quiet

Let’s drink it all in
The sickening, the riveting, the passionate, the wise and the unwise
Let’s be decadent and luscious and full of justice
Care about a little instead of
I could care less

Let’s dance incorrectly and step on each other’s toes
Fall over each other and into each other
And realize we are at our best
When we do

Let’s be careful, but not too careful
Let’s touch our souls with our hands
Let’s hold each other gently and spontaneously
With no purpose and with every purpose

Let’s Be Beautiful. 

Foo Fighters - Long Road To Ruin

Let concepts and ideas fall apart.

Whatever occurs is neither the beginning nor the end.

In the simplest of terms,

the times, they are a changin'

We've all had those moments in our life where we've felt like we have hit ROCK BOTTOM. The acknowledgment that life has just NAILED you. For many of us, we've felt as though we've reached this point several times throughout our lives, each time feeling worst than the last. The sentiment of 'you thought that last time was bad? look at your life now!'. Regardless of the cause(s) we are also all too familiar with the uncomfortable feeling that accompanies this moment of hitting rock bottom. Maybe we feel abandoned. Alone. Hopeless. We yearn for solid ground and the comfort of familiarity.

I recently experienced yet another one of these rock bottom moments. The details aren't important but the lessons learned are invaluable. I've spent 29 years living with the concept that all negative feelings need to be 'fixed'. Whether it's loneliness, sadness, jealousy, resentment, or anger I've always felt that it was my responsibility as a functioning adult to make these feelings GO AWAY by any means necessary. Take my mind off of it. Dive into a creative endeavor. Mask the feelings with alcohol, drugs, or whatever else I could get my hands on. Stay busy. Go out even when I feel like staying in. Meet new people. Sleep. To some extent these coping mechanisms have worked for me in the past. However, my most recent rock bottom moment hit me harder than all previous ones, which I believe is partly due to the fact that I am living 2,000 miles away from everyone and everything that would typically bring me the comfort of familiarity. 

I. WAS. HOPELESS. 

At my worst I spent an entire day in bed. Literally the ENTIRE day. I couldn't concentrate on anything. Watching television, reading a book, and listening to music was TOO MUCH. The negative feelings were whirling around in my mind with such velocity that I just laid in bed, practically comatose, thinking to myself 'I will just lay here in this very spot forever and ever'. And I was okay with that. 

Day turned to night, night turned to day, and soon enough it was time to go back to work. Gathering the energy and willpower to shower, dress, and force something solid into my stomach felt like an impossible task, yet I managed. As I grabbed my bags to walk out the door I caught a glimpse of an audio book that a friend had recently given to me. I had initially dismissed it as some sort of self-help nonsense, but at that very moment I would have tried ANYTHING to make the noise in my head GO AWAY. 

Now let me be clear - this single audio book did not fix my problems nor save my life. However, the author and narrator of the book, Pema Chodron has certainly had a PROFOUND impact on my life. Pema Chodron is a Buddhist nun living in Nova Scotia, Canada. It would be impossible for me to summarize or condense her teachings into one concise sentence or paragraph, but I can tell you what I have personally gleaned from her teachings. 

It is HUMAN NATURE to seek comfort in stable ground, yet our lives and this universe are in a CONSTANT state of change. It is only when you are able to accept and find comfort in this constant state of change that you can be at peace with yourself. Instead of trying to push away or mask your negative feelings recognize and EMBRACE them for what they are. The experiences that led you to that rock bottom place in life? Those are the experiences that build character and wisdom. Those are the experiences that allow you to walk away as a more compassionate human being.

Being able to be comfortable during these difficult times is no easy task. It takes time and commitment to  rewire your brain. As I continue to follow Chodron's teachings, blogs containing any of Chordron's words of wisdom will be tagged with the label 'Pema Chodron' for purposes of giving Chodrom proper credit and enabling easy navigation of this blog..

No one has ever been on the exact road that you're on, because it is yours and it has never been traveled before. 

This is my journey. 

Always on My Mind

Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
And maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have

If I made you feel second best
Girl, I'm sorry I was blind
But you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn't hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you
I'm so happy that you're mine

Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me
Tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
Give me
Give me one more chance to keep you satisfied
I'll keep you satisfied 

-Willie Nelson

Always on My Mind