This photo. This statement. It could not be a more accurate summary of my recent past. I'm just beginning to understand it all. For the first time in my life I'm putting myself first and honoring this person I've become, flaws and all. It's not easy to truly face yourself. To sit with the uneasiness of who you imagine(d) yourself to be and who you truly are. To admit to your soul that you have indeed done things you never imagined you could. You've been the "bad guy" before. Last year consisted of a series of trips and falls, leading to heartbreak after heartbreak, and a downward spiral into a depression I had never known before. A seemingly bottomless pit with a force strong enough to grip it's prisoners and force them into a vortex of self-doubt and crushing anxiety. I hoped the dark days would be worth it. I hoped it would lead to a more genuine, fulfilling, honest life in the near future. I doubted my rationale more times than I can recall. I thought last year was going to be my year. And it was, in a way: I grew by leaps and bounds. I began to learn how to love myself. I started to explore the idea of "boundaries", something mostly foreign to me before. I understood why my previous relationships were so inherently unhealthy. Not all, but most. I learned what to avoid and was absolutely enthralled by the idea that I still get to meet my partner. I still have that to look forward to! How could I possibly be sad?
This year I'm ready to stand up for myself and to have the courage to put these 34 years of lessons and knowledge into practice and just go. Dive in. In so many aspects of my life. No more over-analyzing. No more excuses. Suck it up and live the life you've dreamed of living. If now, never.
Just go.
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